Monday, November 21, 2011

Cock-less Boys

I have a confession to make...

I don't care much for "packing." I don't give a shit what's between my legs or what people think is between my legs. My sense of self, comfort, sexuality, pleasure, and desire don't either.

I also think sitting to pee is elegant.

Some masculine id'd peeps do enjoy packing and standing-to-pee as a matter of course and that's alright by me. Everybody has a preference. Sometimes I enjoy these things too, out of a sense of playfulness and gender fuckery.

What I find interesting is the dominant discourse around this stuff sometimes in trans/masculine circles. "Well, don't you want to know what it's like to put your cock in someone? Your fleshy cock?" Actually, I do know, thank you very much. My hands, junk, strap-ons, holes, skin, spirit, and mind all know what joining together with someone feels like...and I like it a lot. Even though it's hard to escape penis envy given the power, status, and privileges that come with having one, I wouldn't barter for one if I could. Not having one has shaped my entire being from the time I was an apple seed.

My whole identity has not been formed around the supremacy or inadequacies of my cock. I don't expect my cock to open literal or metaphorical doors for me. My ability to be contemplative, com/passionate, reflective, sensitive, and creative have all been grounded in a distinct absence of cis-male cockery. I think this would be much harder to achieve had I been born with dangly bits that represent cockiness. Which is why I appreciate sensitive, soft masculine type "cis" men in my life.

Subsequently, I don't unconsciously or otherwise seek to energetically penetrate and unconsensually dominate everything around me. I value women/feminine/two/multi spirits and trans people and the strength of receptivity. I don't equate vulnerability with weakness but with the healing and vast connective potential this world desperately needs.

*Being* for me has nothing to do with cocks and everything to do with spirit.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

"Woman" and "Man" Are Gender Identities

With all the room created by folks who don't identify within the socially imposed gender binary of male vs. female, woman vs. man...something has slipped the radar in terms of how individuals choose the identity label that fits best for them, most notably within a western eurocentric context.

Much has been said by various trans people/activists about the social construction of gender norms and terms such as "masculine," "feminine," and how it comes to be determined whom should have access to and be allowed to display traits of these constructed, exclusive (yet overlapping) categories. With the creation of the term "cis" to highlight the idea of congruence of body or physicality to internal sense of gendered self in relation to trans "incongruence," I would like to point out that "WOMAN" and "MAN" are just as much chosen identity labels as "TRANS" or any other label that applies to you.

When we are speaking of the social construction of the gender binary, I think it is equally important to examine the process of accepting concepts such as "woman" and "man" and the active steps one takes to align oneself with either identity term... particularly since there are more than two ways to be either. How do "cis" people account for the huge discrepancies and representations of maleness and femaleness within these two gender identity labels?

How is it that one who is assigned female at birth, develops a sense of inherent identity and affinity as woman? As man? As boy...girl...lady? We take these terms for granted as congruent labels for folks who do not id as trans (or Two Spirit, Hijra, Kathoey, Muxe...Intersex) yet the process of identifying oneself readily with gendered terms goes beyond enculturation. Obviously languages (particularly the limitations of english, french, spanish etc) have played a direct and inescapable role in narrowing the possibilities for how one identifies with the concept, embodiment and reality of cis gender. But I would like to propose something a little more drastic.

There can be no such thing as "cis" gender.

That is to say, each and every individual who is born on this planet, whether they are conscious of it or not, chooses to identify themself and their own gender and there is no way to determine how "congruent" such choices are. When we are speaking about congruence, there is a suggestion of a "rightness" or "wrongness" of bodies, brains, spirits, and self-conceptualizations. But, there can be no such wrongness. Bodies, brains, spirits and selves are just those very things. They exist without judgement. And, noone can be the adjudicator.

In spite of socialization to be good little girls and boys, each person from childhood to adulthood exercises preferences and engages in behaviours which collectively or individually do not represent hir gender. Gender can only be conceptualized in the social realm. It has no inherent properties.

If you ask a "cis" gendered person why it is they identify themself as a "woman" or "man" the qualities that person will inevitably speak of revolve less around archetypal stereotypes and distinction and more around individual preferences that may or may not coincide with others also considered "cis." If you then ask said person what they consider to be the essential qualities of cis gender, whether it be behavioural preferences, likes, dislikes, dress, activities, ideas, roles.... you will still be hard pressed to find any definitive separation of fe/maleness, despite use of traditionally/culturally gendered descriptors. Each word chosen has no inherent quality of gender, nor can a definition be constructed.

While the addition of the word "cis" (and trans) in western/north american contexts has been a valuable awareness tool in the sense of differentiating processes of identity development outside of and within social norms - what must be retained is the knowledge that "cis" gendered people have merely accepted vague concepts of social norming, not *actual* gender.

In this sense, adhering to cis concepts of woman and man are merely socially/culturally acceptable gender identities. Identities which have no inherent differentiation from one another save from social relations, power and privilege.